Conversations with the wife

She’s driving. Her GPS is in miles.

Me: So… do you think in miles in terms of distance?

Her: umm…

Me: Wait… so… do you know distances? I mean if I say five miles or five kilometres, do you know how far that is?

Her: umm… you mean like in time it takes to drive it?

Me: No, I mean, in terms of distance, do you have an idea in your mind of how far a mile is?

Her: umm… is it a thousand yards?

Me: *blinking* uh… what? No… that’s just about half of a mile…

Her: Oh, ok, so a couple thousand yards

Me: you know… every day I find out a new way just how different I am from most normal people. You know like the Chinese, apparently don’t have an internal dialogue.

Her: Oh I have one of those! It’s coming up with a bunch of words for you right now as we speak.

Me: Like to describe Italian things, like cars, when compared to English things right? Cool, sexy, sleek, faster, harder, stronger.

Her: *scrunches face into that “yeahhhhh… not quite” look*