This is pretty spot on. As a woman my initial reaction to posts like this is annoyance that all women get lumped into this, but I work to ignore that impulse and focus on the truth of the post. And it makes a lot more sense now, the difference in how men think vs how women think.
For women, I think we look at how a situation makes us feel first, then we possibly add logic to it, if we have any to add, whereas men seem to start from logic and discount the feelings side of it. At least at first.
No wonder men and women can compliment each other so well, if we'd just get over ourselves and live as God intended.
The toothpaste example is 100% my wife. Not only that. Not putting things in the trash, leaving her jacked anyway, etc etc etc. She asks me several times per day “have you seen my phone/wallet/keys?”. It’s like she’s not paying any attention to her surroundings and just daydreams through the day. She has an IQ of 130 but I often have the impression she is partially retarded. No idea what to do about it other than suffer through it. Consequences of my poor choices as a fatherless youth I guess.
As you asked for feedback to the article, it was a very interesting read and would love to see these topics explored more! You are probably 20-30 years older then I so I always love these little examples/stories from your life, like learning though other peoples experiences.
I’m also going to check out the video you linked for Dani.
The whole point of this post is that IF you understand the mechanisms of it, you don’t HAVE to suffer through it!
Your relationship can actually go from a mutually destructive grind to a blissful and funny co-operative unit.
This theory explains so much more than I can possibly jot down in just a few hours or even days. But I will continue to give examples in the hope it helps people to avoid the kind of heartache I and many others have undergone and sometimes, like me, multiple times, without apparent resolution other than either suffering through it or detaching yourself enough to survive it.
No wonder the charismatic/evangeical movement is popular with women and my mother while catholicism is in decline; clown world took away gregorian chant
The solution that came to mind regarding the toothpaste example was for each of them have their own tube. Bringing in the example of a woman with an abusive background into the example is spot on. I would be interested in your thoughts on when the men have been the abused during early childhood. How does that further complicate communication as well as feelings towards women? The spaghetti brain vs waffle brain example is a good way to cover the basic processing differences. However the depth of the cognitive functioning behind it that you both expanded on is absolutely game changing. the idea that it doesn't stop at plain programming but accelerates to permanently disable rational functioning is very scary.
The dysfunction in men presents in ways that are paradoxically both simpler as well as more difficult to address. Easier because he can grasp the essence of the issue intellectually (if the man has a certain level of left brain capacity at least) but more difficult as well as probably they are more persistent too given he may have less capacity to address the right hemisphere wound.
Women will have an almost impossible time to change their “feelings” (right brain trauma wound) by using logic to direct themselves towards health because the process, as described by the original poster is hard, painful even, as it requires a conscious effort to rewire baseline “knots” in the right brain hemisphere that get used as baseline calculators for processing all of life. Their natural avoidance to pain (especially of the self-referencing variety) coupled with generally lower left-brain capacity is why in general it is best when a good man wisely and lovingly leads a loving and trusting woman towards God and all that is good.
On the other hand, a woman who places herself in situations that give her “good feelings” can overcome the right brain trauma wound without much effort if it’s over a long enough period of time. The fact they often lack the logic to CHOSE wisely in this regard, and even focus on the positive instead of the negative, thereby being the authors of their own good life, is their weakness in general terms. Men will tend to try to “power through” their right brain baseline trauma and it CAN work, but not if it is especially deep/traumatic, and/or they ignore the process completely from the logical perspective of understanding their wound and instead try to just “push past it”; so that is generally how they will fail.
Yeah. Very well done. My own IQ is (or was, at least) 156. My wife's is "high". The only reason we got married, i.e. "found" one another, to begin with was by the grace of God and a direct involvement of Our Lady. 3 years of prayer on my part. This essay of yours is excellent and makes a lot of sense. I'll view the link you provided another time. When I was growing up, I being the eldest child in our family (occupied by an abusive step-father), my youngest brother's penchant for leaving the lids off of bottles and other containers made me very angry when he would NOT change his behaviour despite my asking and cajoling him. My wife does the same thing he did and I really, honestly don't care. Strange, don't you think? Thanks for the essay, OM.
fascinating to pull all of this together in this particular way (I haven't read the other article yet, and I will -- thank you).
It also took me decades to understand that IQ differences (30 points or more, especially) were a big factor in my relationship issues -- coworkers/supervisors, friends, as well as romantic. Like you, I didn't think my 155 or so IQ (hit the ceiling) was significant, until I learned more about IQ. It IS an unpopular topic, for many reasons. No one explained it to me; I had to stumble into it and choose to look into it for myself. It's a big secret.
What have you discovered about IQ differences between men and women? You mentioned broad numbers, such as IQ of 125 having difficulty in relating to an IQ of 155, which I totally agree with and have experienced. Have you met women who are at your level, to be able to compare right-left brain differences with the same IQ number?
And yes, absolutely not everyone with a high IQ is gifted in every single area (for example spatial).
The internet has been great, for meeting and being able to interact online with other high IQ people that in real life, you might not otherwise ever bump into.
I have not met a woman with 155 IQ yet. I have met women with IQ in the 125-135 range. And I have noticed that in both sexes the higher the IQ the more “quirky” they get. Men tend to lean more into predictable levels of OCD, blind spots and so on, women present more like some kind of schizophrenic ADHD that somehow also can manage some very unusual tasks that baffle the rest of us. Both the genius and the weirdness present quite differently between men and women.
As for coworkers etc. Yeah… I’ve been fired at least twice for doubling the profit margin (or quintupling it) because they could not follow how I did it (all perfectly legal and also in a way that got the client to want to work more with us). It’s the kind of thing that vindicated my adaptation of a famous poem at about age 15 or so:
one thing I've learned about people with IQs in the 125-135 range, generally speaking, is that they are used to being "smart" (because they are 2 SDs above average, after all) -- but cannot comprehend that someone might be even smarter than they are. So, they misinterpret what we do, like your getting fired for superlative but baffling (to them) work -- and very often, they "correct" our work to their own, less correct or more inefficient way of doing things.
It's frustrating, and I totally relate to your poem adaptation.
This is pretty spot on. As a woman my initial reaction to posts like this is annoyance that all women get lumped into this, but I work to ignore that impulse and focus on the truth of the post. And it makes a lot more sense now, the difference in how men think vs how women think.
For women, I think we look at how a situation makes us feel first, then we possibly add logic to it, if we have any to add, whereas men seem to start from logic and discount the feelings side of it. At least at first.
No wonder men and women can compliment each other so well, if we'd just get over ourselves and live as God intended.
Quite interesting, thanks for the post.
The toothpaste example is 100% my wife. Not only that. Not putting things in the trash, leaving her jacked anyway, etc etc etc. She asks me several times per day “have you seen my phone/wallet/keys?”. It’s like she’s not paying any attention to her surroundings and just daydreams through the day. She has an IQ of 130 but I often have the impression she is partially retarded. No idea what to do about it other than suffer through it. Consequences of my poor choices as a fatherless youth I guess.
As you asked for feedback to the article, it was a very interesting read and would love to see these topics explored more! You are probably 20-30 years older then I so I always love these little examples/stories from your life, like learning though other peoples experiences.
I’m also going to check out the video you linked for Dani.
The whole point of this post is that IF you understand the mechanisms of it, you don’t HAVE to suffer through it!
Your relationship can actually go from a mutually destructive grind to a blissful and funny co-operative unit.
This theory explains so much more than I can possibly jot down in just a few hours or even days. But I will continue to give examples in the hope it helps people to avoid the kind of heartache I and many others have undergone and sometimes, like me, multiple times, without apparent resolution other than either suffering through it or detaching yourself enough to survive it.
Thank you! I appreciate your work!
Epic...the outworkings of this are massive. Thank you Brother-
Spread the blog if you found it useful. Cheers.
I shocked my lunch partners last week by quoting "hope not for mind in woman".
Context, one had just received a phonecall indicating that after all his efforts, their marriage was going to end in a contested divorce.
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44119/loves-alchemy
No wonder the charismatic/evangeical movement is popular with women and my mother while catholicism is in decline; clown world took away gregorian chant
More importantly, Protestantism took away reason.
The solution that came to mind regarding the toothpaste example was for each of them have their own tube. Bringing in the example of a woman with an abusive background into the example is spot on. I would be interested in your thoughts on when the men have been the abused during early childhood. How does that further complicate communication as well as feelings towards women? The spaghetti brain vs waffle brain example is a good way to cover the basic processing differences. However the depth of the cognitive functioning behind it that you both expanded on is absolutely game changing. the idea that it doesn't stop at plain programming but accelerates to permanently disable rational functioning is very scary.
The dysfunction in men presents in ways that are paradoxically both simpler as well as more difficult to address. Easier because he can grasp the essence of the issue intellectually (if the man has a certain level of left brain capacity at least) but more difficult as well as probably they are more persistent too given he may have less capacity to address the right hemisphere wound.
Women will have an almost impossible time to change their “feelings” (right brain trauma wound) by using logic to direct themselves towards health because the process, as described by the original poster is hard, painful even, as it requires a conscious effort to rewire baseline “knots” in the right brain hemisphere that get used as baseline calculators for processing all of life. Their natural avoidance to pain (especially of the self-referencing variety) coupled with generally lower left-brain capacity is why in general it is best when a good man wisely and lovingly leads a loving and trusting woman towards God and all that is good.
On the other hand, a woman who places herself in situations that give her “good feelings” can overcome the right brain trauma wound without much effort if it’s over a long enough period of time. The fact they often lack the logic to CHOSE wisely in this regard, and even focus on the positive instead of the negative, thereby being the authors of their own good life, is their weakness in general terms. Men will tend to try to “power through” their right brain baseline trauma and it CAN work, but not if it is especially deep/traumatic, and/or they ignore the process completely from the logical perspective of understanding their wound and instead try to just “push past it”; so that is generally how they will fail.
Amen to that 🙏
Ephesians 5: 22-33 pairs with this quite nicely.
I've never bpught the left brain right brain thing becauae I use my whole brain all the time.
Sadly it’s obviously the size of a desiccated plum
Oh. And this is probably the reason I will NOT vote for any woman running for ANY office of any kind, ever.
The implications of this theory literally touch on all of human communication.
Yeah. Very well done. My own IQ is (or was, at least) 156. My wife's is "high". The only reason we got married, i.e. "found" one another, to begin with was by the grace of God and a direct involvement of Our Lady. 3 years of prayer on my part. This essay of yours is excellent and makes a lot of sense. I'll view the link you provided another time. When I was growing up, I being the eldest child in our family (occupied by an abusive step-father), my youngest brother's penchant for leaving the lids off of bottles and other containers made me very angry when he would NOT change his behaviour despite my asking and cajoling him. My wife does the same thing he did and I really, honestly don't care. Strange, don't you think? Thanks for the essay, OM.
fascinating to pull all of this together in this particular way (I haven't read the other article yet, and I will -- thank you).
It also took me decades to understand that IQ differences (30 points or more, especially) were a big factor in my relationship issues -- coworkers/supervisors, friends, as well as romantic. Like you, I didn't think my 155 or so IQ (hit the ceiling) was significant, until I learned more about IQ. It IS an unpopular topic, for many reasons. No one explained it to me; I had to stumble into it and choose to look into it for myself. It's a big secret.
What have you discovered about IQ differences between men and women? You mentioned broad numbers, such as IQ of 125 having difficulty in relating to an IQ of 155, which I totally agree with and have experienced. Have you met women who are at your level, to be able to compare right-left brain differences with the same IQ number?
And yes, absolutely not everyone with a high IQ is gifted in every single area (for example spatial).
The internet has been great, for meeting and being able to interact online with other high IQ people that in real life, you might not otherwise ever bump into.
You may enjoy a video on this I did years ago, here:
https://youtu.be/nF_Qybd57h0?si=LXP6gvJ68Vq55keF
I have not met a woman with 155 IQ yet. I have met women with IQ in the 125-135 range. And I have noticed that in both sexes the higher the IQ the more “quirky” they get. Men tend to lean more into predictable levels of OCD, blind spots and so on, women present more like some kind of schizophrenic ADHD that somehow also can manage some very unusual tasks that baffle the rest of us. Both the genius and the weirdness present quite differently between men and women.
As for coworkers etc. Yeah… I’ve been fired at least twice for doubling the profit margin (or quintupling it) because they could not follow how I did it (all perfectly legal and also in a way that got the client to want to work more with us). It’s the kind of thing that vindicated my adaptation of a famous poem at about age 15 or so:
Idiots, idiots,
Idiots everywhere.
And not a brain to think.
one thing I've learned about people with IQs in the 125-135 range, generally speaking, is that they are used to being "smart" (because they are 2 SDs above average, after all) -- but cannot comprehend that someone might be even smarter than they are. So, they misinterpret what we do, like your getting fired for superlative but baffling (to them) work -- and very often, they "correct" our work to their own, less correct or more inefficient way of doing things.
It's frustrating, and I totally relate to your poem adaptation.
I am looking forward to checking out your video.
Indeed. It’s planet of the apes for us. But they have not achieved proper intelligence yet. Heh.