On ADHD and presenting solutions between the sexes

Continuing on from my post on the brain differences between the sexes, and how that could be used to massively improve communication between men and women, I then went to read Mr. Baltar’s post on ADHD and it makes a lot of sense. I read it a couple of days ago and have been processing it, and these are my first tentative thoughts on it.

Before doing that however, I have to quote at least part of his post on ADHD in order to again summarise and somewhat simplify the concepts, without detracting from the original which is more technical and longer. But in any case the whole thing is here if you want all the details.

First you need to know that STM stands for Short Term Memory and he states that the average person can retain about 7 ± 2 concepts or ideas or “chunks” of data in mind at once. That is consciously. The brain also processes things unconsciously (many, many, many, more than 5 to 9) but we might say that process is both opaque (to the owner of the brain) and not very intelligent at times.

That’s because the unconscious tends to be more the purview of the right brain hemisphere. It deals with symbols, images, and feelings, but in an imprecise fashion. And often unconsciously directed by whatever resides in your unconscious as “things that are true”; which are quite often not true at all in an absolute sense and not even true in a general sense.

So if you had an abusive mother with blue eyes, you may both be attracted to seeking love from blue eyed women, but never really trusting them (even if perhaps they had a completely different personality from your mother). But you would be doing this unconsciously, so you would just feel a tension whenever an attractive blue eyed woman took an interest in you without any clarity as to why (these are necessarily silly and very simple examples to explain the concept).

This idea of 5 to 9 concepts at once, is important to remember for what comes next. My commentary will be in [bold and square brackets].

Let’s say that you are relaxing and your brain runs through all kinds of stuff. All kinds of memories and ponderings pop up. This process is traditionally called a “train of thought.” What is happening is the following: A concept is activated in memory above your consciousness threshold and you become aware of it. This concept activates all associated concepts, some to above the threshold, others below. This continues like a super-complex wave of activations in your memory that goes around and around. This process seems to be automatic.

However, despite this being an automatic process, you can control it. [controlling it is mostly a left-brain activity, the side that deals with logic, words, math, and is generally better developed in men than women] You can stop your train of though and direct it toward something or away from something. You can avoid thinking about something and instead focus on something else. This applies both to what is already in memory and what you are seeing or hearing in the environment. This control process does not seem to be entirely a function of long-term memory itself, but of a separate part of the brain altogether – the frontal cortex. [again, the physical reality is women tend to have less of this grey matter and more of the more internal white matter, so statistically, there will be a small but significant trend of men being better able to do this] This means that basic memory processing is in the center of the brain, in an old part evolutionarily speaking. [of which women have more of it —hence the cliché of women remembering what you did six years ago that upset them has a basis in truth] The control of memory is, however, in the front of the brain, in a “new” part evolutionarily speaking. [of which men have more of it. Can you see why women would be MORE prey to their own feelings and emotions and less able to control them than men? It’s literally biological. On the other hand, there is something to them having a “woman’s intuition” and it generally being more accurate than men’s, as this is a right brain and more internal part of the brain processing power]

It is most likely the control part in the frontal cortex which enables you to stop and control your train of thought. Should that part be damaged, you would not be able to control your thoughts fully. The train of thought would just go on and on, and you would, at best, be a passive observer to what is going on in your own mind. You would not be able to stop bad thoughts, or focus on anything you want to focus on. The train of thought is automatic and beyond your control without the control system.

There is another point here (expanded on below) and that is that if a person’s ability to keep multiple concepts in mind is low, then, not only can they not control their “train of thought” well when they are on their own. They literally also cannot hear/process what another person is saying at the same time as their own thoughts are also assailing them.

It has certainly been my personal experience with every woman I have ever been intimate with, that under certain conditions, they become simply incapable of reasoned arguing. I mean the formal process of presenting your premises and working through them based on the available evidence and coming to sound conclusions. In fairness, men too increasingly suck at it, but women definitely take the Olympic medal in this kind of “not listening” to anyone else and just running with whatever fantastic approximation of reality they got into their head as a result of some feelings bringing up God knows what from the swampy territory of the right side of her trauma-riddled brain.

I know that literally every man with an IQ of about 120+ right now is probably fist pumping the air and saying “YES! This guy gets it!” And every woman of even slightly feminist persuasion probably stopped reading long ago (it’s fine, they literally cannot process this post in a way that helps them, so it’s not a huge loss). HOWEVER…

Let’s look at how this FEELS from the female perspective. She FEELS her feelings. And since we all experience some trauma, some of those “feelings” (which translate into behaviours) at some point may have been indispensable for survival. So on some (mostly unconscious level) not only does she FEEL those feelings, but from her perspective THAT IS THE ONLY TRUE REALITY THAT MATTERS.

Have you noticed that it is by far, overwhelmingly women that believe that truth is relative? That is not a coincidence.

It’s because in general women cannot contextualise their emotions and feelings that come out of the right brain process of inductive thinking by making good use of their left brain logical functions to do so.

And remember we are GENERALISING, ladies, it’s not about YOU specifically. You of course are a special unicorn to which none of this really applies (if you have read this far without attacking the screen and wishing me burnt at the stake for toxic misogyny, this may actually be somewhat true).

So, as always, since on this blog we don’t do nihilism, despair, and general faggotry, the question is: how can we improve things?

Well, for a start, begin to understand how the female brain with respect to left/right sides actually works. Internalising these concepts is a duty mostly men need to take on board, because to put it simply, they are more likely to be able to. Of course, women that ALSO take this on and (gasp) begin to use their left brain to direct their right brain processes more… well… they can probably wear capes in public and men will revere them.

Also become aware of another few things:

• Both men and women can process in the right brain or left brain more, but generally men are more left brained and women more right brained.

• It is also well known that men have a wider IQ range than women (we have more retards and geniuses than women).

• And there is something more, the higher your IQ, say like mine, at about 155, the more you are capable of doing left-brained activity at a level substantially more correct and effective than someone 2 or 3 standard deviations below you.

• And let’s not forget that 30 point IQ gap that makes proper communication almost impossible.

If you are able to keep those separate bits of information in mind:

• 30 point IQ difference means communication breaks down irreparably

• The higher the IQ and usually the more logical ability (left brain) a person will have (this essentially means being more likely to be correct when analysing situations without emotions)

• A person with a lower left-brain activity will not be able to prove (or even know how to) that something they strongly believe is objectively true or false. It will all feel absolutely real and true to them. However that feeling can change depending on the context so at a different time and circumstance they might express a diametrically opposed “truth” to the one they had before. Pointing it out will not help. They can’t see the logical parallels, only feel their feelings.

Then you will have realised that for high IQ people, other people are generally hell. And intimate relationships with women, even smart ones, can at times feel as if you are trying to be with either a very retarded person, or a deceitful liar and self-absorbed hypocrite.

Assuming no actual evil intent on the part of the woman, however, neither is true. She is neither retarded, nor necessarily deceitful.

They may just be incapable of seeing the logic of the situation or reasoning you are exhibiting.

Cold comfort if you are screaming at each other or worse, it corrodes you both and eventually destroys the relationship.

So let’s see about solutions.

But first, more from Mr. Baltar.

There is another issue which also seems to be able to impede control of your train of thought. This is the brain’s ability to maintain the activity level of concepts above the threshold of consciousness. If that ability is “naturally” low, or compromised, the result will be low STM capacity – say 5 or lower. What seems to happen is that if the brain can only keep few concepts simultaneously active above the threshold of consciousness, the frontal cortex control system will run into trouble taking control of memory – i.e. your train of thought. It seems that the frontal control system needs a certain number of concepts active (or certain activation ability of the brain) to gain control. If the concepts are too few (i.e. activity too low), it will struggle. Gaining control of the train of thought will then require extra effort which will be tiresome after a short while (short attention span). This means that outside the short periods of extra concentration, the mind will run on with limited control. This is the main issue in ADHD and several other conditions.

This is supported by the fact that stimulants, such as an amphetamine, can alleviate the symptoms of ADHD. The stimulant will tune up the activation level of the brain, thereby increasing the number of concepts which can simultaneously be activated above the threshold of consciousness. STM capacity therefore increases and the frontal control system can regain control of memory and the train of thought. This is also supported by the descriptions of people with ADHD who get a stimulant for the first time. They say that the chaos has stopped and they finally have control of their minds.

This also means that the cause of ADHD is not a hyperactive brain – it is exactly the other way around. It is a brain out of control because the activation ability of the brain for concepts in memory is too low, leading to control problems, leading to chaos in the mind.

I would generally agree but not completely. There are situations that are not so neatly explained, but this is still largely correct.

Examples of chaos

Before proceeding, let’s look at some of the consequences if the frontal cortex control system cannot properly intervene into the memory process, i.e. the train of thought, – because the brain doesn’t have the ability to maintain the activation of enough concepts above the level of consciousness. Here are a few examples:

Short attention span/lack of focus – People with ADHD have both short attention spans and a lack of focus in general. In order to be able to understand what is being said to you, or to complete a task, you must be able to maintain the activation level or memory sufficiently for the frontal control system to “grab hold” of something. If you can’t, the information will just flow into your brain below the “level of consciousness.” People with ADHD seem to be able to force a temporary rise in activation levels, just like people with normal brains can force themselves to pay attention. The problem is that this seems to place some kind of strain on the brain and can only be maintained for a short while. A short attention span and a lack of focus are obvious consequences of a low activity level in memory (i.e. low STM).

Dyslexia and comprehension of speech – If you are reading a long and complicated sentence, such as in this essay, a certain STM level may be needed. If your STM is 4 concepts, but the sentence requires you to remember 6 concepts simultaneously, you may have forgotten the first concept in the sentence before you come to the last one. This means that you will have problems understanding the sentence, not to mention remembering it. This is not because you are stupid, but because you can’t remember all the points the sentence is making before you finish processing its meaning. This is most likely very common for people with low STM, including people with ADHD, and is often either blamed on a “lack of focus” or dyslexia. Dyslexia is a real phenomenon, of which there are several types, but it is likely that “professionals” who are not familiar with this problem are misdiagnosing a lot of people as dyslexic, particularly school children and teenagers. Exactly the same problem applies to the spoken word. If you have low STM, you may have a problem understanding complicated spoken sentences. Then you fill in the blanks later, and remember what was said to you wrong.

Impulsivity – One of the symptoms of ADHD is impulsivity – both in words or deeds. It is not surprising that a lack of control of the mind will translate into lack of control of what we say and what we do. It would actually be surprising if it didn’t. The term “impulsivity” is somewhat misleading since it suggests something else than a lack of control. There are however other reasons for impulsivity. Impulsivity is also a function of emotional control, also carried out by the frontal cortex – and seems to be associated with certain personality types. We can’t blame all impulsivity on ADHD.

Intrusive thoughts – One of the symptoms of ADHD is “intrusive thoughts” – i.e. unwelcome thoughts pop into your head and you have problems pushing them away. The problem here is not intrusive thoughts as such, but the ability to block them. If you have a good control of your memory processes – your train of thought – blocking those thoughts becomes easy. Most are blocked so fast that they are at best fleeting ghosts you barely notice. However, if control is lacking they may become uncontrollable. This may result in compulsive thinking and depression.

Compulsive thinking and depression – If you cannot control your train of thought properly and it can flow freely, it will eventually hit a so called “complex” in your memory. A complex is a set of associated concepts in your memory which has some kind of significance. The significance is usually based on association with emotions. A complex can be something positive – such as an issue you find fascinating and love thinking about – or something negative such as a horrible event in childhood or memories associated with feelings of inferiority. If you cannot break your train of thought, it may gravitate toward a particular complex, usually a very significant one. Your thoughts will basically move around the complex like flies around a light – and you won’t be able to stop them. If the complex represents something traumatic or perhaps feelings of shame or inferiority, it can result in significant mental suffering. This compulsive thinking, solely caused by lack of frontal brain control, is often diagnosed as depression and treated with antidepressants.

These symptoms can also be caused by “temporary factors” which put a strain on the brain. Excessive workload and excessive stress can result in “fuzzy brain” – which is a dysfunction in memory processing and control. All kinds of stress and cognitive load can cause this, including living with an abusive spouse or having a stressful job. Some prescription drugs can also cause this, even common ones.

I have definitely seen people exhibit these symptoms that I think are “ADHD” (I don’t subscribe to ADHD being very “real” other than as described by Mr. Baltar in his article) but are clearly not stupid.

In fact, if a woman, more prone to using her right brain has an overall IQ of say 135 but that is mostly slanted in right brain activity, her mind might well have a 160 IQ for certain right brain activities, but be only 105 IQ for left brain activities.

My wife for example, has a capacity for remembering songs and their lyrics (in tune) even if she has not heard them for years, and I think this is because she associates good feelings with music and dancing in general. On the other hand, the woman can’t seem to place her phone or car keys in any reliably recursive location, probably because the association is not emotionally significant. While with other things that have a negative emotional association, she can be downright obtuse to the point that if one were unkind, one might start looking for lobotomy scars.

So… as always… what is the solution?

Obviously there is no “one size fits all” answer, but understanding these concepts should at least explain why women and men often seem incompatible.

The process of learning to use your left brain to direct the right brain processes can and does feel uncomfortable. It’s not easy. But it is imperative women in general start practicing to do so consciously. Because being prey to your emotions means you are also prey to whatever or whoever can make those emotions come up for you. Couple this with how the survival pressure for women has always been other women, and it explains both why women will often give very bad advice to other women under the guise of “helping” (mostly women want other women to be worse off than them at an unconscious level, especially when it comes to relationships) and why those women (already in their negative emotions) may well take that horrible advice doled out by their bitter and envious friends (or even good friends “helping”) and because it resonates with her own sense of belonging (a feeling in the right hemisphere) coupled to negative emotions (the breakup with the boyfriend) they will “feel” the negative advice “resonates” with them (right brain activity), and they will go on to take that “helpful advice”, and crash their lives, or at least cut their hair short and become strong independent women (that will likely die alone and then be partially eaten by their cats). And they will instead ignore reasonable and logical solutions, nor take the effort to reason their emotions out. The former is “easy and natural” and makes her feel part of a group and “understood”. The other requires some brutal level of self analysis, introspection, and facing of uncomfortable facts.

The reality is that the unconscious CAN be directed by the conscious part, but not forced or changed radically and quickly for almost all people, and perhaps more so women.

In a conflict between conscious and unconscious the unconscious always wins.

On the positive side, the right side and unconscious can be changed by positive emotions delivered consistently. Which is NOT a linear process.

For example, my eldest daughter needs to wear a kind of braces for at least part of every day, to correct an aspect of her jaw, a process that is fully adjustable over the next few months. Yet, despite constant reminders daily, and eventually these being none too gentle, she still “forgot” to wear this mouth brace practically every single day.

Now… here is a concept that is true even if not something you want to live by.

IF my daughter were to get an electric shock every time she forgot it, guess what… she would not forget it. Why? Because the consequence is significantly emotional (pain usually is). On the other hand, ignoring dad, even if he shouts, or even if he explains it’s for her own good, and so on, doesn’t really have such a significant emotion tied to it. The discomfort is very minimal and extremely short lived.

This, by the way, is why there was hardly any dyslexia or ADHD in the 1940s. Because if you got the spelling wrong you got whacked with a ruler. So, hard as it was, emergency mode kicked in and the person suddenly “got it”. So you had illiterate retards and people who could read, and nothing much in between.

Of course, this “violence works” path can also cause other traumas and damage, but by and large, it worked.

Another benefit of it was that if a person got used to the harshness, they would be more prone to using it on themselves too, which meant they were more likely to use the process of using the left brain to analyse the fuzzy right brain. As explained before and by Baltar’s original article in my first post on this, the process of using logic to analyse and correct your mostly opaque, fuzzy, right brain processes, is not usually very pleasant. But still beats an actual ass whipping. So people did it more.

While my statement that “violence solves all problems” is mostly tongue in cheek, you can see that even in this context of human relations it “works” but does so at the expense of humanity in general. It may be “acceptable” in emergencies or the military but what if there is a far superior way? And I believe there is now.

It will not be perfect, it will not answer all the issues, but it will be a vast improvement on what we have currently. And perhaps, it might even become superior in efficiency to what was going on in the 1940s (or earlier) and without the accompanying other traumas.

If you have seen the series Mad Men, and try to look at it through this lens, it becomes even more poignant a show.

And Don Draper even more of a tragic character, which ultimately, he is. His second divorce being a veritable tragedy in every respect for both parties involved. And if only this kind of understanding had been available, Don Draper and his half-French wife could have lived happily ever after.

Conclusions

I haven’t got any very serious or clear ones yet, but at a minimum, a high IQ left-brained man should be able to follow the conversation up to this point. And if dealing with a woman that is mostly right brained and not necessarily very left brained, then the answer would appear to be to provide her with good emotionally significant experiences that are possibly directed in a certain logical direction. Or not. My experiments so far are very limited but already producing results.

On the basis of the above, I started to teach my eldest daughter to drive. She’s only done it twice in the last three days. But she’s wearing that retainer daily without reminders. She also is slightly (positively) obsessed with driving now.

I can’t see a direct link between driving and wearing a retainer in your mouth. And logically there isn’t any obvious link other than one:

Perhaps, feeling closer, paid attention to, and cared for enough for dad to risk his car, gives her enough of a good emotion that it translates into caring more acutely about what dad seems to care about when it comes to her.

As a scientist, the testing needs to be more varied and broad and cover many aspects of the interactions, however, one can already see the origin of such flawed clichés like “happy wife happy life”.

Because it may be true that for a time, making a woman happy in whatever she seems to want may temporarily make things “better” but, as reality has demonstrated ad nauseam, such a formula leads only to a disastrous relationship, because no woman at the core of her most primitive right brain wants a man that she controls. That monkey-like, troglodyte part of our brains still has the two million years of time during which “Me Tarzan, you Jane!” is STILL the sexually charged and ultimately satisfying dynamic for both parties.

On the other hand, if you can “Me Tarzan, you Jane!” In the right contexts, and also be the guy who takes her on an adventure holiday and buys her sexy clothes and the occasional spa day when she has treated you well, well… then things might be quite positively different.

At the same time, women should endeavour to use their left side and logic more in their day to day managing of their own feelings, and instead revel in the right side and their wild emotions in the evenings, especially behind the closed doors of your bedrooms.

I will inevitably post more on this topic, as it has so many far-reaching implications I can’t help but think about it daily.