The Unzombifier Dad

Aryan girl at bedtime (trying to avoid bed): Dad, I’m scared, what if a monster comes in the night when I’m sleeping?

I sit on her bedside

Me: There’s no such thing as monsters baby.

AG: But what if there is?

Me: Even if there was they can’t get in here, and even if they did get in here, no monster is going to survive. I’d kill them dead.

AG: But what if they are a zombie (she’s smart, probably thinking zombies are already dead…)

Me: No zombies would get to you, they are slow and stupid, and I would bite THEM before they can do anything.

AG: (exited and without hesitation) Yeah! And then they would become normal!

Me: uh… (I was just trying to get rid of her objections)… laughs… ok, yeah…

AG: Yeah, you can bite them and make them all normal. Thanks dad! (Gives me a hug and kiss).

Me: Okay my baby. Goodnight.

AG: Goodnight dad.

Just between us, readers, I still think I’d go for the time honoured tradition of shooting them in the face, but, eh, if you’re not willing to bite zombies to turn them back into normies, for your little girl, are you even a father at all?