Sigma Husband Issues

More on the down-sides of being like James Bond

A central aspect of Sigma men is the focus on efficiency and effectiveness, though not without an approach that is flexible, sometimes so much so others can’t understand why or how it works. Not to mention the fact it may also at times be socially unacceptable.

Excellent in military endeavours, hunting (people or animals), a bunch of activities.

Not so good if you are the wife of one and on the receiving end of his approach to doing things.

I have mentioned before, as an example, that when my wife says things like: “I’m basically ready to get in the car now,” in normal male language it usually means anything from:

• I will still be 15 to 20 minutes, to,

• The Earth will rotate fully throughout another age of the zodiac.

Now, when I say “I’m ready to get in the car,” I have keys in hand and am moving towards the front door. To… SHOCKINGLY, get in the damned car.

Now the issue is that women (see the dual brain post) reference almost everything (including the weather, cosmic events, the rule of law) as being central to, created for, done in the exclusive service of… THEMSELVES. And attach all their emotions, self-worth and intrinsic value as a human being to it all. If it rains when they wanted to wear a sundress it’s because God hates them. And they will hate God for it. And since he’s not around physically they will usually blame their husband for it.¹

And Sigma men, especially when describing processes, methods, and concepts are referencing the objective Universe. And usually nothing besides that.

You can see how this goes…

SM (Sigma Male): “Darling, can you clean the gigantic mess of foodstuff you make when you attempt to do what you call “cooking” as you go along? You know, instead of try to do it either before you sit down to eat with us, so your food gets cold and we are uncomfortably waiting for you while you helicopter over the entire kitchen area, or after, when it has encrusted itself in every corner of the home?”

NW (Normal Woman): “Oh MY GOD! You evil bastard! You hate my cooking! and you are SO ungrateful! I took 14 hours to prepare this curry, you son of a bitch! You are so rude!”

SM: “14 hours? Wow. That makes it worse. I can do it in about 53 minutes. Also… doesn’t address the issue I mentioned. You know, the cleaning? It would be good if you listened better too.”

NW: Issues divorce papers the next day.

Now… for the sake of making the point, I may have dramatised the situation a little, but not by much.

It is not that the SM is a completely heartless bastard. It’s just that logically, he has determined a better way of doing anything he cares about in a way that, when compared to most people, will have achieved a level of functionality in his domain that is hard to beat or even keep up with. Especially if he has lived alone for any length of time.

And when he tells you your way of doing X sucks donkey balls in a summer heat, it’s not because he hates you, is trying to ridicule, or humiliate you. It’s because, objectively, the way you do X sucks donkey balls in a summer heat. That’s it.

Now, you may think (especially if you are a fragile gamma or omega) that the Sigma is just being harsh and hard on you and trying to put you down etc. But that is not the truth of it (in most sane Sigmas I ever encountered anyway). And if there IS a sting, it would generally be limited to when they have repeatedly told you how to do X better and you have kept ignoring them. At that point, yeah, they may well begin to make fun of your obvious stupidity. I mean, hell, if you can’t educate the monkeys, you may as well entertain yourself at their expense.

Here is an example of when *I* was educated on how to do something better (one of many, many, many examples). I was sparring with a a third dan, and a good instructor by the way, when I was a mere green belt.² The man mentioned to me twice that I was leaving myself open by having a posture that was too far forward and focussed on attack. I didn’t understand what the hell he was talking about and carried on doing what I was doing. At the next start of the sparring session he foot swept me so completely I ended up landing on my side, and rather heavily since my legs had been flipped to about waist height.

I landed hard, sprang up back to my feet and instinctively bowed and said “Thank you Sensei!”

He was mildly taken aback too as this was not the usual response he got from anyone who he had just sent ass over kettle. Looked at me and asked: “Do you understand now?”

“I hope so.” I said. And I had. His next attack (another quick footstep) a couple minutes later did not connect.

My saying thank you was genuine. It was not put on. It was not trying to ingratiate myself with the man. It was a simple understanding of what he had been telling me. Finally I had grasped what he meant. Sure I landed hard, bruised my hip, elbow, maybe my ass too, I don’t recall, but THAT was not important. It wasn’t about my physical incolumity, or the indignity of being dumped on my ass by a good technique. None of that mattered. I was here to learn how to fight, or at least spar. And he had just shown me a weakness I had. One I never again repeated after that, having become pretty immune to foot-sweeping for the most part.

Whether in a working environment with soft, squishy, inept humans, or in a relationship with a woman, the natural tendency of a Sigma male to ignore feelings, emotions, and possibly physical discomfort in order to prioritise effectiveness and efficiency, tends to result in human drama that is irritating to him, and most times not even understandable to his way of being.

At a biological level this is pretty much incompatible with most women for a life-long or even just generally long-term relationship.

Women that can tolerate this kind of man are few and far between, and there is a tendency (over time) for them to feel inadequate, which in most cases is objectively false, since the requirements a SM can expect are (by most foolish, weak, inept humans, you understand) invariably quite far above the normie ability level.

So, once agin, women enamoured by a SM, it would help you a lot if you can focus on the logic and the facts instead of your emotions.

And Sigmas: Your wife or girlfriend is not Lara Croft with a touch of Sgt. Rock from Easy Company when things get hard. As with all women, she needs tenderness and some human connection beyond the functional.

1. You think I jest, but my first wife —honest to God— did exactly this at least once, if not multiple times. And at least a couple of ex-girlfriends (admittedly of the “short duration variety”) broke up with me because when they asked “Do you mind if I smoke?” I said “Yes.” I suppose they may have expected I would chase after them, change my mind, or start smoking myself. Or perhaps not. But am fairly sure even if the actual smoking thing was not the issue per se, my response to their disingenuous “question”, was indeed the thing that did it. Fact is, the door of my apartment was never closed to them when leaving. Not the same if/when trying to get back inside.

2. In traditional Karate-Do in South Africa.